Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
