I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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