If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
