there was a trapeze. enough said
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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