I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
