i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
