I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
