What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
false alarm, still single
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