the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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