She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
