I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
