I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
