Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
