dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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