Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
