Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
