Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
