she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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