i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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