I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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