I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
