i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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