i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
