i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
