and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Someone signed my nipple.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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