Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
