we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
