my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
