toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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