I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
