so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
