I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I believe in your delicious
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
