my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize