I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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