I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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