just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
