I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
