So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
