I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
