i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
