no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its not stalking. its research.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
