I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
