Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
