google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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