I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
