Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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