Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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