Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
