I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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