so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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