Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
