who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
