No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
