That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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