i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
