It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize