i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I need to stop coming to work sober
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
