The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize