i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
