That's intense
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
