I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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