you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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