Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
