I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
