I puked a lego.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
