people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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