This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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