I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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