my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
