i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
