Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
