How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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