the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
