We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will be naked everywhere
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
