There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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