I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
