White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
