So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize